July 20 : first panic attak at the restaurant,
3 brasseurs, went out. mom asked me if something was wrong with Nao, finished dinner quick went home, went to pee , felt horrible, fall asleep.
july 21: did nothing
july 22 : prepare crappy food, too oily, felt weird but ok pretty shaked but 2 days ago.went to check the boookstore, meh…
went to cooking class was good but not 100% stable.Had to stop thinking, overall it was good still.
july 23 did nothing
july 24th:received cooking tool, don’t wanna go outside, scared of panic attak again, won’t go to grandma too shaked and feeling bad. keep the fan on all the time
feel like i can’t breath all the time, too hot.
feels liek i am gonna die. Nobody undersatnds me here. went to aquarium with sister , feel ok but stil shaking,
fish relaxed me in a sense, felt ok. went home.
july 25: went to umi, was ok then many ppl came asked to go hoome, sister was mad wanted to stay longer but I can’t stay.. agoraphobia. ordered pizza domino.. was ok
july 28 : sister and brother went to club, pushed me to go, cna’t go way to scary all this people and I wanna be at home chatting with Neyney, some peace watching tv.
very tired keep lying down.
july 31: moving out, really crap feel horrible did nothing. Went to mcdonald, had a meltdown can;t hold the stress.nobody talk serious they re sefish always them them them.
They keep arguying. stress even more. appetite is less but I try to eat.
august 1: ask to go to see a doctor, they tell me it s in my head,need to see a psy, yea whatever.. I m sick of this
august 2 : changing airplane ticket can’t stay here wayy crap I don’t belong here, can’t handle the stress they give me. always putting me down
august 4: packing
august 5 : home.. at last.

dear me : you will forget all this crap and fogive them.
Whatever you think now is not real, don’t put them where they are not, they are idiots who don’t share anything with you.
You cannot have this repeated!! hear me hear me I insist
DO NOT DO THIS!! Your health is at stakes!
you ‘ve been sick once it cannot happen again.
You cannot choose them over your husband, he is your life and understand you in a way that nobody can. Best match 🙂 love you neyney!!
so please read this and do not go there anymore.
love you 🙂 ( yea me) lol
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faits :
me sens mieux qu’avant mais pas completement guerie

Comparaison :

depuis la crise dangoisse au resto ( 3 brasseurs) je peux plus aller dans mes restos prefere
kan vous n’etiez pas ala maison ca allait mieux,
stresse pleure pour rien 1 mois avant de prendre lavion

sent toujours mal des fois kan il y a trop de monde.
during this

ecole de police ca allait mieux,j’etais relaxe et ceux evenements ne sont pas arrives ( panic etc) quand j’ai pris lappart ca allait mieux

gratte jambes commence a partir au moment ou je suis venue habiter usa
nao a remarke ke jme grattais kan tu m’appelais.. stress
c’est pas une question d’endroit c’est une question de communication.
Pkoi? j’ai du stress kan jsui avec vous. stay away
Keskon a fait ? si jle savais jorai pas ces prolemes aujourdhui.
french family ne m’a pas aide, unitle ne peux pas m’aider
j’ai vu cketait votre aide et elle est inutile jai une famille ici qui me soutient.
si ne peux pas repondre dire tu m’ecoutes ou tu veux juste nier cke je dit

 

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mal dans ma peau
explications : stress , elle me stress kan je suis a cote, au tel, email

elle demande la raison, veut savoir
kelkechose ki bloke

po de raison en particulier
demande encore et encore
pkoi comment?

je reponds personnalite pas compatibles
les sentiments ne sont pas les mm, les miens sont moindres
elle dit kel en a trop fait
elle se plaint

elle sort excuses de sa part
je relance moi moi moi
elle relance elle elle elle
je re relance moi moi moi
elel pensait recommuniquer comme avant.

moi : guerir priorite, conversation terminee

je suis un peu mal apres aveoir raccroche
mais bon ca devait etre dit
ne pas leur parler aurait ete mieux pour moi mais mettre tt a plat etait essentiel.

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